Seven things that children really need. – Advice from psychologist Katerina Murashova
1. Confident adults
You keep asking your child where they want to sleep, what they want to eat, or trying to figure out what’s better for them. It turns out that adults follow the child, and not Vice versa. It often happens that a child “leads” four adults at once-mother, father, grandmother and grandfather. It is unbearably hard for a child. This is an absolute guarantee of neurosis. Its resources are being rapidly depleted, it starts to act up out of the blue, becoming aggressive, not sleeping, not eating.
2. Happy parent
The only thing a child needs to grow up in harmony is to have at least one person “in their place”in their field of vision. Such a person has found himself and believes that the world as a whole is beautiful. The child sees this and grows calm. If the most important people in his life are in their place in the world, then he will find a place for himself when he grows up. If you work in a Bank and love your job, bring your child there. The Bank is very interesting!
3. Reasonable prohibitions
My mothers often say to me:”Well, I held on, I held on, he yelled for an hour, two, and I couldn’t stand it and gave it to him.” That’s where my logic doesn’t fit. If the child finally had it, then it wasn’t life-threatening? So it was actually possible to give it? Then why was the child’s nerves to be ruffled, why was it not given immediately?
That is, the rule is – if you can even give a hundred dollars-give it to me. If you are not sure of yourself, do not forbid it. Well, if you said no, it should be no.
4. Healthy emotions of others
Irritation is normal. Negative emotions are as natural as positive ones. We show the child the whole world, not just a part of it. A child doesn’t need a mother who always smiles like a crocodile. If you come home from work on edge, tell your child: “I’m angry as a dog now, it’s better not to approach me. Wait, I’m going to take a bath, have a Cup of coffee, and it’ll be better.” And the child gets one of the most important lessons-the ability to distinguish what people are in a state. And when everyone is too tolerant and politically correct, the child does not understand what reaction his words and actions actually cause in others. We do not teach this to children, and it is no less important than English and tennis.
5. Peace in the family
We can’t change the other, but each of us can change ourselves, and then the behavior of people around us will also change. And if you think that the behavior of the second spouse somehow affects the behavior of your children, and you do not like it yourself – the only thing you can do is to start changing your behavior. Since the family is a system, something will start to change.
6. Parents ‘ ability to analyze relationships
You know, if a child begins to pee in the bed (unless he has a cold) – most likely, it’s not mom and dad fighting. Most likely, it is to him make some requirements that he can not meet. If a child has some neurological symptoms, then first of all I would analyze the relationship of parents with the child, and not between themselves. And only then, if there is nothing here, you can see if the child is a carrier of a symptom of family disharmony.
7. Healthy borders
If a teenager is not given a framework within which he should communicate with you, he will test the boundaries – “as far as I can make you”. While the teen lives with their parents, the parents reserve the right to announce the rules. For example: “in our house, they don’t swear.”
Rudeness cannot be tolerated. Parents should inform the teen on what conditions the communication will take place. “When you are ready to communicate on my terms-come.”